To Have and to Hold – Part 4 – A Zigging and A Zagging

When my daughter was a teenager, I told her to avoid two things during her teenage years that could leave her struggling for financial gain and independence for the rest of her life.  Two Albatrosses, that could strangle and weigh her down and prevent her from ever getting ahead.

Smoking cigarettes and having babies.

These two things are incredible financial weights that can decimate monthly earnings, prevent you from going to college or learning a trade, and have the potential to actually impoverish you if take these on early in life.  Especially in your teens, before you’ve even start building a career.

But there are other weights we can acquire later in life just as devastating, and some might put marriage in that category.   Why, because they dissolve and turn into everlasting debt.  Or at least very long-standing debt.  The debt from a divorce can bankrupt you.

***

Continue reading To Have and to Hold – Part 4 – A Zigging and A Zagging

A Momentary Pause – Smile

A momentary pause here.  Hitting the reset button.  With about 500 words. 🙂

One of the things I truly enjoy about blogging has been the community.  And I noticed from the beginning that the tone of most pages is one that is upbeat and positive.  In fact, many are inspirational.

And I think people seek out the words that help them rejoice in the day.

Generally speaking, I’ve followed this path with my writings, but there are times I have to note that some of my posts, and my most recent posts in particular, do stray into negative waters.  The series I’m doing on marriage right now is one of those examples, as is the post yesterday about having been looted.

And while I realize this is real life, and many people like reading real life posts, others simply find these monologues depressing and uninteresting.  Some may not like reminders of the troubling situations they are in.

Or that human nature can be so vile.

Continue reading A Momentary Pause – Smile

Let the Looting Begin . . .

** For those of you enjoying my series “To Have and To Hold,” have no fear, more chapters still to come.  But today I traveled down a different avenue . . . 

***

I’m sure most of us can remember when we first passed our driver’s test and received our driver’s license.   Teen years have their unique set of crazy memories as we plowed through milestone after milestone, but one of the biggest, if not the biggest, for us kids in America is that rite of passage into the driving community.  Why?

Because that translates immediately into FREEDOM!

Freedom from our homes, from our parents, from the doldrums.

We have gone mobile, and we can visit friends, head off to the movies, or just show off and cruise around town.  And this usually means going on a real date with someone too.

Provided we have gas.  And a car, of course.  And that means money, we have to have money.

This provides an incentive for work, because we have to pay for everything associated with our ride’s upkeep, or at least those of us who were not spoiled did.  We had to work for these things.  But it’s totally worth it.  This is a big step towards breaking entirely free into our independent existence where we make our own rules.

I do whatever I want now!  My home.  My car.  My rules.  Right?  At least so far as those rules don’t run too far astray from the rest of society’s rules.

Continue reading Let the Looting Begin . . .

To Have and to Hold – Part 3 – Where the Rubber Meets the Road

I remember in my first semester of law school being in property class.  One of my fellow students was answering the professor’s question.  They grilled us pretty hard.  The Socratic Method.  My classmate made an error.  They had said,

“Well, that’s not fair!”

My instructor paused for a moment.  Chuckled.  And then replied.  “I was wondering how long it would be before someone used the ‘F’ word.  If you’re going to argue that something is not ‘fair,’ then you have to tell me why it is not ‘legally fair’.”

***

Continue reading To Have and to Hold – Part 3 – Where the Rubber Meets the Road

To Have and to Hold – Part 2 – Contract, What Contract?

So, what’s all this talk about a contract?

And forgive me, but this post is going to get a little technical.  But not too technical. 😊

If you haven’t, you might want to read part one first to understand this post’s jumping off point.  Also, nothing I’m going to talk about will cover all of the intricacies of the law, or the evolution of marriage law, nor will it constitute legal advice.  If you want true legal advice, please go hire an attorney.

Here we go . . .

Continue reading To Have and to Hold – Part 2 – Contract, What Contract?

To Have and to Hold – Part I – Myths of Old and New

I listed a couple of my disclaimers in yesterday’s intro into this series, but I better cover them here as well:

My writings on this topic will be based upon a mix of personal experience and my experience as an attorney.

All opinions are my own, and it is not my intent to upset anyone in any way or feed into any stereotypes or traditional prejudices that people may have.

None of us can have a full understanding of what other folks are doing, or what’s in their minds, their perspectives, what they were taught, what their intentions are, or why events in their lives may have unfolded the way they did.

Obviously, since I’m a male, you will be hearing a male perspective, but I’ve tried to balance that and be as objective as possible.  For those following my blog, you may remember I did a series on being “Woke” where I discussed gender roles and patriarchy, and I tried to provide a balanced discussion in that series as well.

Also, readers may span different generations and have been taught completely different things and may approach love, sex, and marriage in completely different ways than prior generations.   Or they may come from a different cultural base that treats relationships completely different than from the way they are treated in this country.  One of my blogging friends just this morning introduced a different term for this discussion – the “bonded pair,” and I like that because it encompasses much more than a single concept.

I have edited parts of my articles to remove personal observations that some might find objectionable.  It is not always easy for people to look in the mirror, or into the mirror I’m holding.  I’m trying to respect that.  But those observations may come out once comments begin.

Everyone will have their views, and I hope you will share yours with me frankly – trust me, I won’t be offended.

All that being said, let’s dive into some myths.  Even at the risk of my own embarrassment. :-0

*****

Continue reading To Have and to Hold – Part I – Myths of Old and New

Requests Anyone?

Blogging is an interesting pastime.

For many of us, it’s a way to hone our skills as writers and explore a whole range of topics.  It can even be a testing ground for materials we wish to write about, like a future book, or for just good old-fashioned storytelling.

For some, it’s even a way to make a living.

Well, yesterday, one of my blogging friends asked me to address a particular topic.  Marriage.  And to do so from the perspective of a father giving advice to a son that is of marriage age or is considering marriage.  He wants to hear the “truth.”

And I can certainly do this, but I fear it may be a bit controversial.

Continue reading Requests Anyone?

Cross Over – Into the FIRE

Now that I’m retired, I’ve been sharing time, and stories, with my fellow retirees.  I can tell you one thing in common between us.  We are all much happier than we were during the days of our productive employment, even if we were working on one of those lofty, feel-good, society-serving, professional pathways.  Things are much better now.

Simply put, we have a lot less crap to deal with.

And the people we used to work with often stymied our ability to live up to our maximum potential, or to serve our target population to that full potential.

We fought the good-fight, but we didn’t often win.

And now that I’m retired, I keep seeing a billion articles about retirement and what resources you need to retire plastered all over the Internet.  I’m seeing these as a result of targeted ads, I’m sure, but if you stop and read any of these posts the common wisdom you can derive is that neither I, nor any of my retired friends, could possibly afford being out of the workforce.

We all must be starving to death.

Continue reading Cross Over – Into the FIRE

To Think, or Not To Think . . .

My social media friend Carol Hopkins posted a quote from Rumi on FB today that reads:

“Raise your words, not your voice.  It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.”

Now Rumi was a 13th-century Persian poet, and apparently a pretty smart guy.  I imagine if they had televisions back then he would have cautioned us to turn them off.

Continue reading To Think, or Not To Think . . .

Time Fell Back

For being a totally artificial construct, time certainly can beguile us.

Lead us into a false sense of security when there seems to be plenty of “time-to-spare.” Yet place us in a state of sheer panic if time has “escaped us.”  Particularly for workplace deadlines.  Or when we’re dashing across the airport terminal trying to catch that connecting flight.  Or maybe when we’re counting the seconds between the contractions a mother endures during childbirth.

A new life blooms that will soon be “ticking away” the hours.

Continue reading Time Fell Back

Life Review

I recently finished reading, “Backwards: Returning to Our Source for Answers,” by Nanci Danison.  It’s a fascinating read as the author describes what people have come to recognize as a near-death experience, but she refers to her adventure into the unknown as a “beyond-death experience.”  Or that she experienced “temporary death,” which implies a longer time out of the corporal self and an ultimate return – with vivid memories of what happened.

Continue reading Life Review

Ultracrepidarian

I had several ideas for writing this morning, but then I came across this word.   “Ul·tra·crep·i·dar·i·an.”

Of course, I love words, love finding new words, and I had to drop everything and look this one up.  If that was the goal of the person using this word in a comment on a web posting, well Mission Accomplished.

Before I checked, just looking at the word makes me think of something big or extreme (ultra), and something creeping (crep – the Urban Dictionary says creps are shoes).  “Dar,” by itself, is used as an acronym, but has little meaning of its own that I could find.  “Darian” is the Greek name meaning “gift,” but I doubt there is any hidden gift here.  And the suffix “ian,” by itself, means to have the same qualities of something.

Continue reading Ultracrepidarian

%d bloggers like this: