Blogging is an interesting pastime.
For many of us, it’s a way to hone our skills as writers and explore a whole range of topics. It can even be a testing ground for materials we wish to write about, like a future book, or for just good old-fashioned storytelling.
For some, it’s even a way to make a living.
Well, yesterday, one of my blogging friends asked me to address a particular topic. Marriage. And to do so from the perspective of a father giving advice to a son that is of marriage age or is considering marriage. He wants to hear the “truth.”
And I can certainly do this, but I fear it may be a bit controversial.
After all, I’ve had two failed marriages, and one might think I have a tainted view of marriage. But I still think I can approach this very analytically, especially since I’m way past the emotional turmoil that followed those break-ups. I can even include details of my failures, or not.
There are many things to consider.
First there are the traditional views surrounding the battle of the sexes – gender roles.
Then there are the issues regarding defining “love” and particularly “romantic love.” Versus sex. And just what we have been taught to expect from a partnership from our parents, other role models, and society? And which of those teachings, if not all, are mythical.
I can easily ask, especially in the age of internet dating, if romantic love is even involved when forming a partnership or marriage anymore? And I think that is becoming less and less so. These unions are becoming more and more like business arrangements, and the driving forces are, as a friend of mine once humorously described, the search “for a nurse or a purse.” And, while those terms are feminine in description, the two qualities encompassed in those terms can apply to either sex and be sought after by either sex.
And then, there is the law.
What does the law say about the joining of two people in holy matrimony? Particularly, when there is a dissolution of that joining and especially considering that about 50% of all marriages end in divorce in this country. And if a person marries again, the odds for a second failure are even higher.
And it’s not just the law, it is the justice system itself that is full of preconceived biases. Some more than a century old. Those biases can determine the outcome in any dissolution.
Do people in their twenties, or even their 30s, have any understanding at all about what it means when entering into a long-term legal relationship? The responsibilities of parenthood?
Finally, divorce, or a major health problem, are the two major causes of bankruptcy in America. So, stringing all of these elements together, one can easily visualize where a false concept of romantic love leads one into bankruptcy.
So, what do you think? Should I take this topic on?
And there would have to be disclaimers. None of us can have a full understanding of what other folks are doing, or what’s in their minds, or why events may have unfolded the way they did.
I remember one, particularly mean-spirited, remark a woman made to me on a dating site when we exchanged notes on our past relationships. She said that simply by virtue of having gone through two divorces, and without knowing any of the facts surrounding those events, or much about me for that matter, that is was clear that I didn’t know how to satisfy a woman. Ouch!
Emotions can run high when personal relationships are involved, and everyone probably has a good horror story to tell. You know there is a lot of bias, and probably some painful memories, afflicting those whose have had failed relationships. These prejudices can certainly color how they would view any discussion on these topics, so as I say, this could get a bit controversial.
I also figure that I might as well throw this out here today – does anyone have any other requests? Topics they might like to hear about. From the perspective of ME – LOL! I remember saying at one of my former workplaces, that the day they considered me the voice of reason, which did ultimately happen, we must be in big trouble. 😊
Photo: I liked this Seagull and its buddies. They were requesting food. Patiently I might add. They hovered above me and waited for me to throw them some bread. It was a request I could easily meet, although controversial because other beach goers were not happy that the gulls were hanging around. 🙂