Being “Woke” Part 4 – What Does It Mean? And Who Cares?

Well, I’ve been developing this series to try to draw the conversation into to what it means to be “enlightened” or “conscious” in our gender roles.  Particularly for men.

I’ve talked about matriarchal versus patriarchal societies, the origins of the buzz word “woke” and cultural appropriation, and Alpha and Beta males.  So now comes the easy part.  The list.

Lists can be helpful, but they can also over-simplify things.  Regardless, in this case, I think it’s important to provide that list, or someone else’s list, to serve as a basis of discussion.

So just what does it mean, or what is it supposed to mean if you are a “Woke Dude?”

Well, the article “10 Unmistakable Signs of a Woke Dude,” written by Billy Manas, lists out ten basic traits of a man who can said to be “woke.”  These characteristics, however, don’t give us a basic definition, per se, or provide us with any of the implications of dudes “waking up.”  So, I’ll throw in the implied definition that being “woke” means that you are an “enlightened male” who understands and empathizes with women in order to have relationships – business, social, and intimate – that are all balanced and based on mutual respect.

The implications of men waking up are that we will live in an egalitarian society and the sexual objectification and exploitation of women would come to an end.  And that the world would be a much better place for this to happen.

To paraphrase and elaborate a little from the article, these ten qualities are:

  • The Woke Man wants to eliminate the patriarchy, with extreme prejudice.
  • He welcomes and understands women’s anger towards “unwoke” men and the patriarchy.  He doesn’t take this personally.
  • He’ll raise courageous daughters.
  • He’ll raise sons with high emotional intelligence, and will possess this trait himself.
  • He’ll be repulsed by the sexist portrayal of gender roles in mainstream media.
  • He’ll be magnetized by powerful women, not threatened by them.
  • In intimate relationships, he’ll be a giver, not a taker.
  • He will never objectify women.
  • Sexual relationships are viewed as a sacred unions.  He will seek mutual fulfillment on a higher level, as opposed to being focused on self-centered immediate sexual gratification.
  • He’s a good listener.

There you go.  Simple, yes?  Complete, maybe not?  But this is the gist of the definition and traits that are floating about out there in cyberspace right now.

From my standpoint, this seems a bit anticlimactic.  After all of the build up of my previous posts, one might expect something more dramatic.  Hard-hitting.  Heart-stopping.  Over the cliff flinging!

Or maybe I’m wrong and you do think this is a pretty significant “new” concept.  It certainly represents a powerful change, but really, a “new Earth-shattering idea?”  I think not.

I find it lacking the big punch because I might simply call possessing these traits as being a “good man.”  I didn’t need a new word for it.  Nor did I need the implication that men must “wake” up from being “bad men” and become “conscious” or “enlightened” to establish a new social order.  I’ve agreed with those ideas for quite some time.  But like I said in a prior post, I had good role models in my mother and father.  And I received a good education.

I’ve known that women and men are equal, should be treated that way, that relationships are sacred unions, and I’ve been quite magnetized by strong, intelligent, compassionate, (insert the whole list of positive adjectives here) women, starting back since when I was about fifteen years old.  And I’m guessing I’m not the only guy who has ever thought this way.

So, what gives here?  Why all of the attention now?

I think the new-found focus on this has come about in relation to the current media cycle, and that directly relates to current events in our society.

In the past couple of years, it’s become readily apparent just how thoroughly sexism (and racism for that matter) is entrenched in this society.  And that new light being shined on an old problem is the direct result of the old, fat, white men’s club becoming threatened with drifting into oblivion.

The overt actions, and exposures of covert ones, to maintain the status quo and give renewed license to the continued exploitation of others is what is waking people up.  Or what is driving the call for people, especially men, to wake up.

But, would men becoming “woke” really solve this problem?

I’m not sure it’s that simple, because the whole of society has been socialized and acculturated to accepting gender roles that have been entrenched for hundreds of years.  Women, too, will have to awaken, although I do believe more women are already awake than are men at this point in time.

And that’s a part I think that is missing from this discussion.  All that I’m reading about being a “Woke Dude” seems to carry the implication that men becoming woke will solve all male and female relationship issues and that gender will approach a more homogeneous or equalized frequency.

I actually hope things evolve that way.  But we’re not there now.  And I’ve met a number of women along the way that do not think this is a natural expression of the male identity and have told me that women are supposed to serve men in a subjugated role – their religion teaches them this, or so they say.

And a recent study, published in Psychology Today, concluded that women find sexist men more attractive than “woke” men because they believe sexist men are more committed to them and more willing to make sacrifices for their family than a man who wishes to see women becoming empowered and independent.*

So that will give us the segue to the next post.  What does it mean for women to become conscious, or perhaps, what I am seeing as being defined as a return to the “Divine Feminine?”  And I hope you all will jump into the discussion, as I am certainly no expert on that topic.

Till next time,

In Metta


Photo: I took this shot when I was visiting Denver.  There was a lot of street graffiti there, some of it brilliant.  Once considered a nuisance, or maybe even criminal, now graffiti has evolved into an art form in its own right.

I chose this picture because I interpret this as being an image of the Thunderbird.  Many Native American cultures have used the depiction of the Thunderbird.  The Thunderbird creates the wind, thunder, and lightening as it beats its enormous wings.   It’s believed to be a sign of war in the skies, but also of a victory for wars fought on the ground.  In some ancient belief systems, the Thunderbird controls the upper world, and the underworld is controlled by the underwater panther or the Great Horned Spirit.

While this symbol may represent conflict, that I’ll analogize to that between the sexes and societal imperatives, it also represents a victorious end.  I see victory as being an enlightened version of our roles and our society, winning out over darkness and prejudice.

*The article I’m referring to is,Feminists Think Sexist Men Are Sexier than “Woke” Men: Why do Women Find Sexist Men Appealing?

Link Rot: When I cite to articles or posts circulating out on the Net, I cannot guarantee how long any given hyperlink will be active or even lead to that specific post.  These links disappear or can be hijacked over time.

Previous posts in this series include:


Tse’itsi’nako – Thought Woman – Being “Woke” – Part 1

Bullshit – Take 2 – Being “Woke” – Part 2


The Beta Male – Being “Woke” – Part 3



23 thoughts on “Being “Woke” Part 4 – What Does It Mean? And Who Cares?”

  1. There was a time, long ago, when women held the power. We brought forth life so, we were the controllers, for lack of a better term. Now, we are emerging from the pendulum swing in opposite direction. What we need is balance. Women & men were never meant to be equal…only complimentary.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Excellent point! I like that much better – complementary. I do believe women hold a lot of power, especially with creation. Our society is certainly out of balance right now, and the increased intensity of divisions and us versus them mentality concerns me. I hope we get back to the complimentary mode as opposed to competitive or controlling.


  2. I hope you don’t mind if we disagree on this subject because I really like you. 😉 I am one of those people who thinks men and women have God-given (genetic) instincts and roles and that is what makes the world go ’round . I think many of the problems in the world are caused by refusing to accept this fact. Now that doesn’t mean I think mean should ever be abusive, control-freaks, demeaning, etc. or that they can’t be sensitive, artistic, emotional, good friends, etc, etc. Women can be abusive assholes , too, by the way. Anyway, have a great day! Love the flower pics on Instagram!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello my Friend! I really like you too! And I always appreciate and respect your feedback. And if I ever get out of line, please feel free to say so. There are many times I author something or speak it and would rather have people prove me wrong 🙂 I totally respect your views on this, and concede you may be totally right. I’m no authority. It does seem to me that as we evolve the sexes can be more complimentary and certainly more respectful of one another. And I have seen the abusive women as well, and was married to one for a long time. I think you’ll find the next, and last, chapter of this series interesting, because the woman I’ll be referencing to has a list of things she believes women need to do – issues for them to confront. And thanks for the compliment on Instagram! I love nature in general and flowers in particular – love the close-ups 🙂


  3. I love the sensitivity and intelligence you bring to this somewhat thorny issue. Thank you!

    Because I love this blog and because you bring so much light to my world I have nominated you for the Sunshine Bloggers Award see for rules and other important information.
    Here are the questions I am posing for you to answer, if you choose to accept the award:
    1. What is your favorite thing to write about?
    2. What makes you very happy?
    3. What makes you feel angry?
    4. What experience changed your life or was a pivotal turning point?
    5. What is your biggest fear?
    6. What advice would you give to people younger than you are?
    7. What is the source of your inspiration?
    8. What would you like to change about yourself?
    9. Which of your character traits are you grateful for?
    10. Where would you most like to live?
    11. What are you most passionate about?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow! Thank you! This issue has been floating about in my mind for a while and I’m glad I waited for a while to write about it – I think I have a better perspective now 🙂 And I’ll happily accept your nomination. It may take me a few days but I’ll write it up – Thanks again!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Ok…here’s my thing….it concept, this is wonderful, but realistic? Of course, all men should not objectify women, they should be respectful, but as you alluded, isn’t this just Respect? Shouldn’t we always respect those around us? Part of the problem is everyone has different anticipations and expectations. And women may say they want a “woke” man , but then they expect him to take out the garbage and take care of the car….so what do people want? I question all this buzz right now. It’s ridiculous

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for weighing in! And I agree, a lot of the idealistic concepts may not be realistic, and they may not even be considered to be idealistic to many as well. Everyone is different, and big spoiler here, but my ultimate conclusion is it’s not always so much that we have various specific issues or conflicts, but what we have is people issues. People are screwed up, in a lot of different ways. That includes me too. But we’re also great in many ways. Hopefully, we can all learn to get along, promote our positive strengths, and grow with each other 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. We all have to learn tolerance, and that not everything is done in a negative light. We place too much value on the things that don’t matter, and not enough on the things we do. And communication. We have to learn to talk to one another

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I never understood woke whatever or gender roles. I grew up in the woods of Maine, where men and women did what they could to survive. People didn’t split into gender roles per se, they did what they were better skilled at. Coming South (Wash. D.C.), I encountered expectations of what a woman should or should not be, that were absent in my upbringing. So, I am wondering if this is a cultural idea of how people should be.

    As for me, I worked a full time job and informed my husband if he wanted certain things done like the laundry, he had to do them. He did. I was the person who earned the most money, which was fine with him. It was not fine with everyone else since they had the peculiar idea that men should always make more than women.

    Perhaps woke and gender roles are ingrained in the larger culture, which rewards sameness rather than difference.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for reading and joining the conversation! I think it is cultural, but pretty widely spread across the US. Sounds like you missed some of that while you were in Maine, which is great. I grew up in the Midwest, lived by myself before I had a partner so I’ve always done my own cooking, cleaning, laundry, sewing, etc., and I also cut and split all my own wood for the fire. No particular “role” for me either 🙂 Never expected a woman to take care of me in those ways. The man being the major bread-winner is also way outdated. I think you made an excellent point – culture does reward sameness, people are often afraid of things that are different.


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