Forget Civility, How About Just Having an Adult Conversation?

I, like a lot of friends I know, have become a little quieter in cyberspace these days.  Why?  Because of the lack of civility in human discourse out there.   Of course, there is nothing surprising by that statement.  Anybody out there in cyberland has witnessed, or may have been a party to, a discussion that has turned drastically evil.

The evilest one I can remember was where one very confused gentleman, I use that word “gentleman” very loosely, responded to a very factual statement of mine by saying he had my ISP address and was on his way to my house to: “. . . rape your mother and kill your whole family.”  Nice guy.  Apparently, intelligence, in any measurable form, was lacking in this individual.

And such responses tend to scare people off from wanting to engage any further.  Which may have been this person’s objective.  No intelligent response, so they had to threaten me with violence.

But a couple of days ago, I witnessed what I think is another low in the field of cyber communications.  It’s where a person takes an uninformed action and then refuses to even engage in an adult conversation.  I think I would have appreciated the outrageous and ill-informed response to that of refusal to even address a situation at all.  And it was all over such a trifling incident at that.

What had happened was this:

I have been a member of a private FB group called “Love My Ozarks” for several years now.  It is a group where you can post pictures and stories about the Ozarks.  The only requirements, that I am aware of, was that you lived in the Ozarks and that the pictures you posted were from the Ozarks.

Now the Ozarks has been defined as a physiographic region comprised of parts of Missouri, Arkansas, Oklahoma, and Kansas.  If one looks at a map, I live in the northern part of this region.  And as I mentioned, I had been a member of this group for some time.  I had made multiple posts of pics without problem, until the night of the Supermoon, the Vernal Equinox.

On this night, I posted a picture of the sunset from that evening.

The picture had received forty-two likes before it was removed by the administrator of the page.  I received a FB notification saying it was removed because the administrator could not confirm my location as being in the Ozarks.

This seemed like no big deal.  I’d simply inform the administrator that I was, in fact, in the Ozarks, as was the location of the picture.  One problem, my post had been taken down so there was no way to comment on it.  So, I elected to make another post on the page.

In my second post, I stated that my prior post had been deleted for the reason stated. I apologized for any confusion.  I identified my location and that of the picture. I made a suggestion that the administrator might simply wish to inquire of the person posting pictures for any information they thought they needed.  And I wished everyone on the page well and hoped they enjoyed the sunset and moonrise that evening.

It was a totally above board, transparent message as I saw it.

Two people had liked this post prior to the administrator responding.  But instead of having an adult exchange, the administrator deleted my post, kicked me out of the group, and blocked me so I have no way to get back to it – not even to apply for readmission should I so desire.

Now I’m not really upset over this.  I was just surprised.  Either this individual was embarrassed by their unwarranted actions and didn’t want the rest of the group to discover it, or perhaps they are just one total fucking asshole.  I really have no way to judge since it appears they are incapable of having an adult discussion and responding.

I had even apologized, even though I should not have needed to.

There were multiple options for a response available to this person that didn’t have to delve into the infantile.  No matter, the behavior of people often gives me something to write about.

And it gives me the chance to mention one other thing.

I do think it a little odd when people lay claim to something that they cannot own.  “My Ozarks?”  This physical region of the planet really can’t be possessed.  People can hold portions of property temporarily and hopefully be good stewards of that land.  But attaching a possessory term carries with it the concept of exclusion – it’s mine, not yours. It is prejudicial and superiorical.  I just made that last word up 🙂  But I think you get the idea.

So now, I might just have to start my own group for pics on FB.  If I limited it regionally, I would not use the possessory and exclusive term “My.”  Perhaps I could call it “Midwest Magic.” Or, “Native Midwest.”  Or, “Midwestern Skies.”

The “Midwest” includes twelve states.  Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, Nebraska, North Dakota, Ohio, South Dakota, and Wisconsin.  A bit larger region.

Or, I could open it up to pictures from everywhere.  All over the world.

Or, have different days of the week for different regions.  Or different days for different genre like: sunsets, moons and stars, landscapes, wildlife . . . So many possibilities 🙂

In Metta


Photo:  This is the sunset picture I had posted on the FB page.  I kind of like it and thought others might as well.

26 thoughts on “Forget Civility, How About Just Having an Adult Conversation?”

    1. Thanks so much ! You are quite right. Very strange behavior. It seems like there is less and less direct communication now leaving things wide open for misunderstandings and conflict. Plus, that anonymity seems to give some people license to behave badly.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Indeed! We are sharing another moment of synchronicity. Right before I read your post, someone left a really nasty comment on my blog. It really made me pause. It was nice to read your post and reflect on this behavior. Thank you again!

        Liked by 2 people

  1. I suspect 85% of the people (I just made that % up :-)) who say crappy things on-line would NEVER say those same things to a person standing right in front of them. These screens and keyboards have become the shields folks lurk behind and then lob insults. It’s depressing.

    I like your comment about no one “possessing” the Ozarks.

    As others said, it’s a gorgeous sunset photo. Things have gotten wack when a sunset photo gets you booted from a group.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Good morning Earthwalking. One never knows what burrs are under some peoples saddles. We all walk our own unique lives, giving each of us a perspective that doesn’t always match up with others. Don’t you think that’s one of the beauties of this life that we live…we each are constructed, shaped and molded in our own quirky ways. Some of those ways lead people to being rude or easily hurt by things that we don’t understand or foresee.

    There are a ton of reasons why the gentleman reacted the way he did…we, because we are who we are have to decide if that’s acceptable for our own walk of life. I’m not sure if you read my “What’s your freak on?” post, but that whole posting was brought on by someone questioning me about what my “freak on” was. That question sent me into a tail spin for about 3 days. I now, can look at his question with a heart of gratitude, instead of “What a jerk.” type of remembrance. Thinking back on the whole conversation now, I don’t think he meant it the way I first interpreted it…I simply didn’t understand where his heart was coming from, so I questioned it.

    Life is always a lesson…relationship building, whether its through social media or sitting next to someone at a bar teaches and connects us to unique individuals, and yes some quirky ones (in our own definition) at times, giving us yet another view of life as it truly is. You be you, Earthwalking….continue sharing your heart and your beautiful photos and those who can resonate with you will stick around, those who can’t will move on. Nonetheless, we both will be richer for the presence of another.

    Now, go out and have one of those days like your photo expresses (to me and my poetic perspective ..ha) …A day filled with beautiful colors accented and enriched by those shadows that are before each of us every day.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Life is always a lesson indeed. And we can’t build relationships if someone refuses to engage at all. Nor can we clear up misunderstandings or confusion. Nice post about they guy asking you what was your “freak on.” I find the natural world to be so beautiful and soothing. Much more so than the human world. But there are good people out there 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I felt so many emotions when I read your post. First off, the sunset photo is beautiful! I cannot believe how people misuse their admin power on these FB groups. I thought you handled the whole situation very well but I must say I had a good giggle at ‘My Ozarks’. It reminded me of the time when I walked away from a relationship and was told .. “you will never set foot in MY Country again”… Phhhht!! It is a shame that this person felt the need to remove and block you but he also gave you the opportunity to write yet another great blog. You have this wonderful way with words that makes your readers feel they are out there with you on your all life adventures 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You just made my day 🤗 No greater compliment than for the reader to feel like they’re my sidekick 😊 Oh, and “My Country” ? Really? Sounds like you were wise to leave that relationship ship

      Liked by 2 people

  4. What a gorgeous photograph! Keep taking pictures. Keep writing. Keep being who you are. The earth and all of us walkers benefit from your presence. May we never become “superiorical”. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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