It seems like the subject of divorce has hit that state of synchronicity. I am seeing all sorts of articles popping up on the subject, and I had just written one myself. Well, a writing friend of mine recently had an article published about not wanting to have her divorce characterized in some “Stupid, Jerkface Language.”
And I couldn’t agree more.
There are many reasons that relationships fade. Not all are negative or involve evil motivations or actions. And when a relationship ends, it doesn’t have to end badly, or it could simply transform into a different type of positive coupling.
My friend said she believes in “soul contracts.” And I agree once again. I believe we are brought together for definite purposes for soul growth and evolution, and once the contract is complete, we may embark on different paths. Totally divergent, or parallel, but never quite on the same trail.
But while I believe in soul contracts, there remain many questions. My first marriage lasted 5 years and the second was a 26-year relationship. Lessons were learned, but one might question the length of time it took to learn them. Or what the lessons were supposed to be? And there were many sacrifices of time that can’t be regained.
In my state, legally, they call a divorce a “dissolution.” A “dissolving” of the marriage. Ironic, in the true sense of the definition of that word. Definitely a change in form, but a dissolved substance is still present in the complete solution 🙂
Maybe it should be a vaporization?
Some gaseous ether now mingling in the vast atmosphere but not part of the same compound. A singularity, not a duality.
And from the legal perspective, the contract is one for personal property and the custody of children, which may still carry that air of being property even in this age. The law will never view this as the ending of a mingling of souls for the purpose of discovering and evolving our higher selves.
Could you imagine the legal system trying to divide up soul possession?
I prefer to look at this as being a “flame-out.” This language carries with multiple meanings. The most obvious is that flame or spark of love has now died out. Another is that burning passion was so totally consumed in the fire that no fuel remains. Hearts and flames seem to come and go together.
My friend further opined about how we refer to our ex-partners.
Some people have very derogatory terms, like “bat-shit crazy.” I generally refer to my exes by their names, or, I suppose, I could call them by number but that seems much too impersonal. Perhaps their first initial and a number, G1 and B2?? Humm, that sounds too much like a Bingo game 🙂
But when there are children involved, as with my first marriage, the soul contract can’t really be said to be fulfilled for you will always have that person in your life in some form relating to your children. My daughter is in her 30s now and G1 and I still maintain contact and share social events involving her. She’s going to be getting married soon and I can guarantee you we’ll both be there for that.
I’ll also agree that I can’t call these relationships “failures.” Their endings become transitions. And they can certainly be transitions for the better. And maybe the real lessons can be learned if both parties work towards a peaceful and happy resolution.
Divorce, dissolution, breakdown, flameout or whatever we want to call it, the transition will be whatever we make of it. It certainly doesn’t have to become a cliché, which unfortunately, some choose to live.
Best wishes for anyone making this transition as you discover yourself in this new part of your journey.
Photo: One of the many fires in my woodstove. Sometimes a fire will burn its most intensely right at the end. Consuming the remainder of its fuel and oxygen in one dramatic burst, only to fade into non-existence in a blink of the eye.