Nesting

“Reality” is a word I find troubling.  For one, it implies that we have a basic and comprehensive understanding of some situation or event or location or person.  But generally speaking, we don’t.

We have limited perceptions.  They are limited by our senses and by our interpretation of events based upon our past experience.

That word “reality” also seems to carry with it the concepts of being finite and permanent.  When in “reality” nothing could be finite or permanent.  Everything, and everyone, is in a state of constant flux.  Change.  Ever morphing into the next transition.

And that word is even a bit scary, because if we believe it when we say it, it can limit us.  Sort of coupling with what some call the law of attraction or the self-fulfilling prophecy.

For example, if I say, “In reality, I will never be able to afford buying another home,” chances are, I won’t be able to.

I have locked in a future where, in “reality,” there is an uncertain destiny.  By making such a concrete statement, I have formulated an intent not to change my circumstances in a certain manner, and I will lock myself in, or better stated, lock myself out of various other possibilities.

I’m trying to use this concrete word less.  Because who really knows what is unfolding.

Four years ago, I moved into my current residence with the idea that it would be temporary – very temporary.  And then events began to change.  My employer forced me into early retirement, which ate up a big chunk of my projected pension.

Two and a half years ago, I gave myself a deadline to be out of here.  To be starting fresh in another environment.  But here I still sit.  Face it, the market sucks for the average person, and when funds are limited you don’t jump off that cliff without thinking about it a little.

Four months ago, I decided I needed to be gone from this place because of my health.  The mold in this place triggers chemical sensitivities and makes me ill.  Daily.  But here I am.  Why?

Because the “reality” is that I could make that monumental financial investment in another locality and still have the same problem.  Sick buildings are everywhere, and to lock myself in financially in one would be twice as devastating.

There is more freedom in this non-concrete “reality” because I can afford to be more mobile and not be in debt.   In fact, I’ve hit eighteen states in the past two and a half years because I didn’t make something else my “reality.”

So instead of giving myself deadlines, that come and go, I decided to embrace the moment.  I’m here now for whatever duration and for whatever happens.

Instead of preparing to leave, I relaxed.  I decided to surround myself with pleasant images and began framing up some of my photography and hanging it on those blank walls.

My daughter tells me that I’m “nesting.”  That gave me a belly laugh and I need more of those anyway.

Time to embrace the moment, not be dragged back into the past and not try locking in some artificial future.

I’ve brought a taste of the beautiful Universe from my travels inside to bring me peace, while, at the same time, I map out the next adventure 🙂

Photo:  In the Badlands.  The layers of sedimentary rock map out a distant past.  A glimpse backward in time.  Seeing the lines in the rock sort of tricks the eyes to want to fill in the blank spaces with continuing demarcations.  We attempt to solidify a “reality” that doesn’t exist merely to pacify our senses.  Locking in distorted perceptions instead of just enjoying the view.